got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
