just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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