Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The air taste purple.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
