I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I will be naked everywhere
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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