Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
