Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
