I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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