Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
