Yo dont text me then not text me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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