So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
now i know why i became what i already was.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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