i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't turn off my feet"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
