I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
