Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
