Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize