Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
