Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
