that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
