I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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