Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
