dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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