If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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