hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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