Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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