i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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