Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
