I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
