# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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