thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
