Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
