I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize