I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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