i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
