I wish I could teleport
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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