i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
