he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize