i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
