i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
