Will you blow on my dice?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
