I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
