chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
