the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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