No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize