sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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