This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
