i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
