You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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