just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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