I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
