you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
