I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My cat gives me a boner
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
