Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
