Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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