We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
