can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
