forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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