Taylor Swift is so right about you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
