I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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