Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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