My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I love you. Go after that dick
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
