At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
