im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize