A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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