I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
