His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
