I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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