Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
