Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
