It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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