We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
