Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
