Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize