I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
