she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this boner is exhausting
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
