so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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