That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
