Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
