I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize