I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
