Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
