so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize